arrrgh...

I start work at 6am tomorrow....

Is that even legal?

In Need Of A New Job....

Today it became clear to me that i do in fact work in the worst area ever.

I was lining up to buy something to eat on my lunch break when i turned to see about 5 guys standing and arguing with each other. My initial though was... Why am i not suprised?! I mean i work in Broadmeadows for crying out loud.

All of a sudden one guy attacks one of the others, his mate pulls him off the guy (who's mates in turn were trying to pull them apart) and that's when i saw the knife.

The two guys, one of which had the knife start to run and run straight past me. Right in front of me one of them drops his phone.... without thinking i bend over and pick it and yell out to them about it. One slows down but doesn't turn around like he was thinking about coming back for it but then decides not to worry about it and keeps running for obvious reasons.

I yell out to one of the shop owners to call the police and security and that's when i turn back and see the guy who was stabbed. There was blood everywhere and he was clutching at his neck... kind of where the neck meets the shoulder.

It was like slow motion, i know that sounds all sorts of stupid but it was. He stood there for a minute before moving his hands off his neck, took his t-shirt off and placed it over the wound in his neck. He then began to walk towards the exit, stopping only for his friend to ask where the closest hospital was. There was blood everywhere, all i could think was holy shit i cant believe this guy is still on his feet.

Within minutes the police were everywhere. I walked back to work in a daze thinking i was going to be sick. Then when one of my bosses asked if i was okay i honestly thought i was going to cry. I went into the lunch room and had a drink of water and tried to calm myself down., i was told to stay out there till i felt okay.

I eventually calmed down and called my mum, i know I'm such a girl.... but i had to talk to my mum! She reassured me it was all okay. THANKS MUMSY!!

I went back out and then the cops came over to question me.

They asked me to describe everything i saw, which i did. I then went on to tell then about the whole phone thing and the knife. The police officer then asked me if i could describe the two guys..... I told her they had their backs to me the whole time except when they were running past me and that all happened so fast i didn't really look at them. I'm actually glad i didn't see their faces, i know that sounds cowardly but i don't care. This is something i don't want to get caught up in especially considering i have to go to work 5 days a week in the very same centre. There were so many other witnesses that could describe them that my statement really isn't that helpful.... i am sorry that i wasn't able to help more but at the same time thankful... extremely thankful.

Once the police left was when i burst into tears. I guess the initial shock of it all finally wore off.
I'm not looking forward to work tomorrow... or the next day.

I need to find myself some thing new.... and as far away from the shit at Broadmeadows.

QUIT!!

It has officially been a week.

I can honestly say that this is one of the hardest things i have ever done considering almost all of my friends smoke... Seriously it is easier to count the ones that don't smoke because there is less of them.

Yesterday i helped Mez and big fella move house and to say thanks they had a BBQ for us. Everybody was drinking and smoking and let me tell you all i wanted was to light one up.... BUT i didn't.

I didn't touch a drink either purely because i know how much harder it would be to resist the temptation if i had a drink in my hand.

I cant even tell you how many chewies i have been through since i started this.... every time i feel like a cigarette i chew... at least i have minty breath right?!

How does one become a smoker anyway? Nobody who tries it for the first time sucks it back, exhales and says... "wow! i really enjoyed that." Nope, its usually one of the most disgusting tastes and worst experiences ever, yet so many DO become addicted.

I know one week isn't a huge deal however i am so proud of myself right now!

Lets just hope i can keep it up and resist the temptation for another week....

Downer

Today i am having a downer of a day.

Everything sucks.

I think I'm in some serious need of some TLC.

I need to get away from all the boring crap stuff going on here.... I feel like i need a change.

But where do i start? What do i change first?

Everybody is moving forward yet i feel like i am stuck. Amanda and Gary are planning their wedding along with Courts and Fitzy who will be married in December. Mez and Big Fella are preparing for bubs number two. Ads is moving to Portland for Rai. Adam is going to Korea to see his girlfriend who is teaching over there. And me? I'm still doing the same shit day in, day out.
I know i only feel this way because of the mood I'm in but i cant help it at the moment.

I know i have plenty of great things in my life but at this point in time i cant see past the shit.

I need a cuddle!

YARRAWONGA....

Another Yarrawonga Easter camping trip over with!

I cant wait till next year.

I will upload some photos later....

6 days of drinking, tennis and us running an absolute muck!

LOVE IT!

P.s on a completely unrelated topic.... I HATE JUSTIN BEIBER!!

That child is ruining my life, everywhere i go i hear his song, I'm even starting to sing it!

DAMN YOU JUSTIN BEIBER!

A New Me....

Soooo.... I dyed my hair.

i got sick and tired of my damn regrowth and decided to go back dark....

I'm not completely sold on it yet but that could be because for the past 3 years i have been blonde.

I miss it already but this will be so much easier to maintain.

I absolutely love the colour I'm just not sure i love the colour on me.... i guess only time will tell.

What do you think?

P.s not the best photo... i may have been slightly intoxicated but it was the only photo i got before my damn camera died.

Im far too old...

let me set the scene...

In October last year Rai moved to Melbourne and was living with a couple who WERE friends of mine. In early January Rai got a phone call from a primary school back in Portland offering her a full time teaching job. After 4 years of uni only an idiot would turn it down.

She discussed it with her housemates who both told her that it is a great opportunity and it would be silly for her not to move back to Portland and take the job.... So Rai did exactly that.

Since moving back they have turned somewhat nasty demanding Rai pay rent till the lease is up in October even though she isn't living there or until they found someone new to move in. Rai had said she would pay up until April to help them out because she felt bad for bailing on them and because she didn't have to pay rent in Portland till April. She spoke to the real estate during the week who informed Rai that not long after she went back to Portland her housemates went in and told them that they weren't going to get anyone else in but just cover the extra rent themselves...

So why have they been telling Rai they are looking for someone?

So that they can bully Rai into paying rent they said they would cover!

Rai is far too nice to say anything to them about it so they just walk all over her.

I have kept my mouth shut of the whole situation because it isn't my fight to fight, I have other issues with them or maybe not even them, maybe just half of "them" maybe just HER...

I have come to the realisation that the friendship i had with one of Rai' s housemates was one of convenience on her behalf. It was always me doing the calling, me going to visit the whole thing was one sided. This kind of hurt considering when her parents pretty much kicked her out it was me who let her stay at my place rather then the back of her car. The last time she contacted me was because she was having trouble with her boyfriend. So me doing the right thing went over and listened to her cry even though i actually thought she had bought it all on herself.... nasty i know.

I know this will sound way more immature then it actually is but i did a big facebook clean up a couple of weeks ago and deleted her.

So last Friday comes and i get a text message from her asking why i have deleted her off facebook and if it has anything to do with Rai then that's not fair.

I replied as nicely as i possibly could explaining how i felt about our friendship and that no it wasn't because of Rai although i wasn't too impressed with the way they treated her. I also told her i didn't have time to argue with her and just to leave it at that... AS IF!

I got a reply.

Most people know that if you piss me off I'm not one to sit back and say nothing. I wouldn't say i like confrontation but if it comes knocking on my door I'm certainly not afraid of it.

She started lying about things she had said and what not and i called her on them and then once again asked her to drop it..... don't be silly.... i got yet another reply.

Up until now i was fairly nice about everything, i just wanted her to leave me alone and that would've been it.

To be honest i couldn't believe that at the age of 25 i was having a fight like this through text messages.... This is high school bull shit!

I couldn't believe this chick kept replying... seriously give it up already! So i thought i would do the grown up thing and not reply.. me grown up HA HA for the first time in my life!

Then i get a message from her boyfriend.... WTF?!!!

That's it... i lost my shit! No more biting my tongue, i went for the jugular knowing that if i hit low enough she would get the hint and leave me alone. By no means at the beginning of all this did i want it to turn ugly, i even told her that because we have mutual friends if i saw her out i wouldn't be rude or nasty but just not to expect me to have a conversation with her.
I went all out on her arse... I told her that was it, i didn't need friends like her and telling her exactly what i thought of everything they did to Rai... i ended they message with...

"I am done with this shit.... i am done with you... End of story."

4 days later and thank god i am yet to receive a reply. I look back at the messages and think maybe if i didn't reply in the first place it wouldn't of ended up the way it did but i think i needed to tell her exactly why i was angry at her... either way it completely blew up... I'm not impressed with how i ended up handling it. I knew she was pushing my buttons on purpose but i still fell in to her trap anyway.

Oh well you win some you lose some right?!

Soon....

I will blog soon....

I have been super lazy in the blogging department plus my nan has made it rather difficult to find any time to myself.

Soon my pretties, soon...... i promise!

As it stands...

My life for the past week...


Get up.

Shower and make myself presentable.

Go to work.

Finish work.

Go to the hospital.

Go home.

Eat dinner.

Bed.

I cant wait for life to return to normal and my nan to be out and doing better. Yesterday we had to have a discussion with her on what she wants to happen when she gets out. Whether is be living with my uncle, returning to Queensland or being put into a home. Its a rather difficult conversation to have with someone who doesn't think there is anything wrong and cant remember why they are in hospital in the first place.

I'm running on empty..... I have no idea how my mum keeps going. She has been at the hospital from 9am-9pm just about everyday this week.

Long haul..

On Sunday afternoon whilst at a lunch for my cousins 30th my Nan collapsed, after refusing to be taken to a hospital we took her to a doctor who then told her she needed to go to a hospital.

We sat in the emergency ward for 5 hours before nan got up and collapsed again, after they got her back into bed she started to panic because she didn't know where she was or who anybody was... she didn't even recognise my aunty Sharon.

eventually they freed up a bed upstairs and the carted my nan off. We had to write notes so that they could show nan that we were coming back to get her in the morning.

We got home super late so i took Monday off work so that i could go back with mum to the hospital. We popped in so that we could drop off nans medication but because she had to have more tests done we decided to leave so that she wouldn't keep trying to get up so we could take her home.

We went and sat at mums friends house because it was only around the corner. I was so tired because i hadn't slept much so i layed on the couch and started to doze off.

I had my eyes closed for all of 5 minutes before mum came back in panicked saying that nan is disorientated and is being nasty to the nurses so we had to go straight back.

When we got back nan was sitting refusing to take any medication and was yelling at the nurses and doctors. Once she saw us she started to calm down but she was seriously shaken up. The nurses asked mum to give her a Valium to calm her down which nan took without questioning it.

We sat with nan for a little while mucking around and joking when she tells us she need to go to the toilet. We get her up to walk her there when she goes all woozy and we had to put her back on the bed. We called the nurse in to help us out and she wasn't even in the room 10 seconds before my nan lost consciousness. all the alarms started going off and then nan came too for split second before everything went wrong, she stopped breathing and her heart stopped... Mum and i were rushed out of the room and a big cart was quickly wheeled in.

We were taken around to the lounge and asked to just wait.
Mum was a complete mess, which is to be expected. Not only is that her mother but my mum is a crier whereas me i don't cry i just get angry.

So here we were in the lounge for what felt like an eternity, mum was so upset and me being the big tough chick i am started to lose patience with my poor mess of a mum. I'm telling her to pull herself together and to stop crying because they were doing everything possible and things were going to be okay.... I guess I'm got getting any daughter of the year award!

They took my name to the ICU which is where she is now.

Eventually we were allowed in to see her, with tubes and wires everywhere all she kept saying was sorry. Thank god she was okay.

Amanda went back early with mum today because my nan was frightened again and yelling at the nurses so they went in to calm her down. I waited around for my uncle and then we made our way to the hospital. All nan wants to do is go home. She keeps telling me to sneak her home when nobody is looking and then get mad at me when i tell her she has to stay.

They have scheduled tests for her on Friday so it looks like she is going to be in there for a while.

heavy eyelids...

I just spent the last 5 hrs at the hospital because my nan collapsed not once, not twice but 4 times today.

She then refused to go to the hospital which after doing things the hard way was where we ended up...

I need sleep!

Don't let me get old...

My Nan (mum's, mum) Flew in from Queensland on Thursday night for a 10 day visit.

She has dementia, So she has told me 4 times since arriving that i have grown and I'm so tall, because she thinks I'm still 15 years old and when i remind her that I'm actually 25 she says things like "Oh are you love? Has it been that long since i last saw you?"

No it hasn't been that long, she was here last year but doesn't remember.

She met my sister's boyfriend Steve 3 times because she doesn't remember meeting him. Its actually quite sad. She doesn't remember to eat and she has to take a concoction of pills every morning to make sure things don't go from bad to worse. (I shit you not she takes about 8 pills every morning)

My Nan and i have never seen eye to eye and over the years we have had numerous arguments. I'm obviously not my Nans number 1 fan but she is my nan and i love her all the same.

I know you might think what type of grand-daughter argues with her grandmother but believe me when i say the way she treated my mum up until recently made my blood boil to the point where i thought if mum wont stick up for herself i will.

This morning i woke up and laid in bed for about 10 minutes before getting up.

It was about 10am and i just realised mum would be at work and my nan would most likely be pottering around so i thought i should probably get up and make sure she had eaten something and thought i would make her a cup of tea because otherwise she wont drink anything.

I opened my bedroom door and the backdoor was wide open and the house was quiet, i called out a couple of times but didn't get an answer.

I looked out the window to find the back gate wedged open with a brick, my heart sank and i ran in to call my mum. I asked mum if nan would be able to find her way back (she owned my parents house before my mum bought it off her and she moved to Queensland, so i thought hopefully she would know how to get back.)

Mum said she doubted it because this morning when mum asked nan where she was she said she had no idea.

I hung up the phone, grabbed my bag and keys, and ran out the house in my mickey mouse pyjamas. It must have looked great, me running down the street in my pyjamas. I ran to the corner to see if i could see her but she wasn't there.

I then ran back to my car panicking thinking where the hell would she go?! as i opened the drivers door to get in i looked up the other end of the street to see my nan wondering back towards my house.

I ran up the street and when i got close enough i started calling out to her. When i actually reached her she looked at me for a couple of seconds with a "who the hell are you?" look on her face before saying "Leash love, why are you running around in your pyjamas?"

I didn't know whether to hit her or cry!

I started walking back home with her thanking god that she didn't go too far. She told me it was fine and that i shouldn't worry about her. Easier said then done right!!

We got inside and i made her a cuppa, she sat down and within minutes was asking who's house she was in.

Its been a little over an hour since my nans little disappearing act and its as if it didn't happen. She doesn't even remember going for a walk.

They say she is competent and doesn't need a carer but I'm starting to think otherwise.

We have started writing in a book that she carries everywhere with things she has trouble remembering. Stuff like when she is going home, Amanda doesn't live here and more and is engaged, where she is, for how long she is here, just stuff like that. The only problem with it is she actually has to remember to look it in... ahhh you just cant win.

I never want to feel the way i did today. i cant remember the last time i was so panicked, worried, scared and upset all the same time.

Thinking you have "lost" your nan is no fun!

HOLY HELL!!

I had intended on blogging all about my weekend away perving on the sexiest wood chopper ever but that's just going to have to wait.

This morning i got up and went to have a shower, i was in the middle of washing my hair when i opened up my eyes and looked at the ceiling to find about 50-60 little baby spiders staring back at me. Then out of the corner of my eye i see the mumma spider.... SHE WAS HUGE... Now not only do spiders creep me the hell out, i mean anything with more legs the a dog is not okay by me, but i hate hairy spiders even more. THEY SEND CHILLS UP AND DOWN MY SPINE!!

I may have screamed like a little girl and the proceeded to finish washing my hair as quickly as humanly possible, not daring to take my eyes off the little suckers just in case one decided to slip down that little zip line attached to their arse. (Remembering we are on water restrictions and are only meant to be in the shower for 4 minutes) I was well and truly out before the timer went off!!! Running through the house in nothing but a towel i went and woke my mum up who said "Yep, when i get up i will go and check it out."

Feeling somewhat violated i started getting ready for work i had just finished drying my hair off when low and behold i looked up and there the little suckers were.... it was as if they were stalking me!

Again i screamed and mum decided to get up and check out the situation.... all she kept saying was "oh my god, look how many there are." NO SHIT WOMAN!!!

I then very quickly delegated 'MISSION KILLING SPIDERS' to my mother, who then tried to get dad to come home and kill then but he pretty much told her to man up and do it herself.

I then drove all the way to work thinking i hope i don't have any on me!!!

WHAT A MORNING!!!

Considering...

Today a friend of mine who is leaving for Canada in two weeks told me that if i want to go over and work he can get me a job....

MAN... i want to so badly.

Where would i live?

Do i stay in the one place?

Can i afford it?

It would be winter, can i deal with the snow and it being so damn cold? We all know I'm a sook when it comes to being cold.

My main concern is where to live....

If it means living like a hermit for the rest of the year I'm more then willing to do it to make sure i can save enough.

It probably wont eventuate but a girl can dream cant she?!

MY SISTER IS ENGAGED!!!!

This morning Gareth proposed to Amanda. She of course said yes!

I'm so happy for the both of them!!

The ring is beautiful.

They went out last night and Amanda got rather drunk so this morning when she woke up she was feeling rather under the weather.

Her words and i quote "If he can propose when i look like this he must really love me."

He gave her a kiss and said "happy valentine's day."

She put her hands out and asked where her present was expecting nothing because Gareth has been so busy at work she thought he hasn't had time to get anything.

He then pulled out the box and gave it to her....

For the first time in her life she was speechless.

She opened the box and Gareth then asked her to marry him.

She cried and said yes.

Gareth even asked my dad last night for his blessing...

to which my dad replied "what the hell for?"
Once Gareth explained dad told him that he has his blessing and then welcomed him to the family.

CONGRATULATIONS AMANDA AND GARETH!
I wish you all the happiness in the world!
~xoxo~

Here... have a glass of shut the hell up!!!

I just got home from being a model for my sister Amanda who has decided to do a make-up course.

She is one of those people who you just know will be great at something and make-up is her thing.

3 hrs in that place and i already want to kill at least 2 of the other girls doing the course. One's model is a make-up artist so she thinks she knows everything.... every time she opens her mouth i want to stab her in the eye with the pointy end of a brush!!! The other just down right bugs me, her voice, the way she struts around the studio... arrrgghhh just everything about her gets under my skin!

Thank god it over for this week.... Amanda did a really great job, she doesn't think she is as good as the rest of the class but trust me she is.

I should go to bed, i need some sleep but i know I'm just going to end up reading till all hours. I have just started reading "I, Mick Gatto" its all about Mick and the part he played in the, i guess you could call it Mafia (although they refer to it as the underbelly) Hit men, drugs, affairs... the whole lot! He is the last member standing. It all went down in suburbs that i live near and it was only within the last 10 years that things really started to heat up so I'm hooked!

Baby got back...

So I decided on this background... I searched through literally hundreds of backgrounds before looking through some on the same site that Alicia got her awesome new background from... Thanks ALICIA!!!

Its not exactly what i wanted but its more me then anything else i looked at so i settled for it.

I'm that computer illiterate that i actually had no idea you could change the background, i thought you just had to deal with the lame templates you were given...

I'm sick, i have tonsillitis, it sucks so bad. It wouldn't be so bad, but the overall craptastic feeling that comes with it just drains me. Not to mention with nobody else home i get so bored, when I'm not sleeping that is. For the past two days i have sat at home bored out of my mind. This is why i hate being sick. Everyone else goes off to work and leaves you all alone to fend for yourself.... i think i need a butler so i wont have to get up to get myself anything.

The weekend just gone was fairly low key, Friday night i went to Adams (for those of you who don't know Adam is my ex.) for a barbecue to meet his new girlfriend Claire. She had just flown in from Scotland so he organised a little shindig for us all to meet her. She seems lovely and her and Ads are really happy. (I'm sure everybody thinks its strange that i would be invited to meet his NEW girlfriend but we were friends before we got together and vowed no matter how hard it was if things went sour we would do our best to remain friends. Plus it was a long time ago now.) She has the most awesome accent ever, granted i love an accent... you could be talking to me about the most boring thing in the world but would have my undivided attention just because you have an accent. I cant help myself, i am a sucker for a strong accent.. no matter where your from! I wish i had a cool accent!

I ended up driving purely because if I'm going to make it oversea at the end of the year going out and drinking is one luxury I'm going to have to live without for a little while. I mean first i spend $30-$40 dollars on the alcohol, then i have to buy the lemonade or coke to go with it, then a cab ride there and back can be anywhere between $30-$100 depending on where we are going. I could put the money to better use. Overall it was a good night, Banger decided in his drunk state to challenge Krista to singstar... "baby got back" and kicked her arse. It was the funniest thing i have seen in a while. He had the moves down! Things started to go down hill for him when he opted to sing "I touch myself".... never a good choice for a drunk man.

This weekend, given that i should be feeling better, i will be heading off to Tolmie again for the annual "Tolmie sports". A day filled with wood chopping, horses, tractors and all things bush. Last year was the first year i went and honestly didn't think i would survive not having any cell phone reception but i thoroughly enjoyed myself and I'm looking forward to it. Not to mention that Sunday is Valentines day.... ANOTHER year with NO valentine, i think the bush is the perfect place to go to escape all the loved up couples. I just hope it isn't too hot... so i just checked the weather channel and its saying its only going to be about 30c all weekend which isn't hot so I'm happy with that!

If only i felt better.

Something a little different....

I may or may not be somewhat jealous of every ones new and improved blogs...

I went looking for something to give mine a breath of fresh air...

only i couldn't find anything that was very me...

Arrrggghhh.

The search continues.

One year on...

07.02.09

173 lives lost.

414 injured.

More then 3,500 homes destroyed.

7,500 people left homeless.

Towns and communities reduced to ash.

Families torn apart.

More than 3,000 firefighters fighting until mid March to get these towering infernos under control.

Almost everyone in Victoria knows somebody who died, or somebody who fought for there their houses and their lives this date 365 days ago. It didn't just effect a town or even just the state of Victoria.... It effected a Nation.

Australia's worst natural disaster.

One year on life has started to return to the fire ravaged parts of the state...

And slowly people have returned to rebuild their lives and properties



I have friends who were lucky enough to save there houses but stayed and fought hard to save them, they lost neighbours, friends, family and there animals.
My sister Amanda lost friends and work colleges.

I cant explain the sadness and sorrow i feel for these people. I still find it hard to watch news coverage of it, i can only imagine how hard it is for people who were directly effected by it.

One year on....

WE REMEMBER.

A year in the life of me...

I have officially been blogging for a whole year...

Hooray for me!

When i started i honestly didn't think it would last long, i mean i don't think i have an overly adventurous life worth reading about.

As time went on i actually started to enjoy blogging and i now find it somewhat therapeutic. I don't blog everyday, i have no idea how people have the time for that and if you are one of them kudos to you.... It takes effort! Sometimes/most of the time my blog consists of random bull shit but its my random bullshit.

I love the idea of being able to one day go back and read over everything that i have written and remember all the things that were important to me at one time or another.

I'm actually a little proud of myself for actually sticking at it!

So, here's to me and my now 1 year old blog.. and hopefully many more years to come!

CHEERS!!!