I'm back...
The last couple of months have been a blur.
So considering i don't even know where to start I'm going to just forget about them and go straight into something that has been bugging me for a little while.
I have this guy (oh i can already hear the groans) who is easily by far one of my bestest friends.
Recently we have been getting closer and closer. So close in fact that last week we saw each other 6 out of 7 days.
He has recently been seeing a girl who he called it off with about 2 weeks ago.... This is where everything gets messy.
I was away for the weekend in Portland, just to remind you how close we are i spent 2.5 hours out of the 4 hour drive there talking on the phone to him and 3.5 hours on the way home... WHO DOES THAT?
Anyway he called on the Saturday and tells me that he is no longer seeing this girl because he has feelings for me. He came to the realisation that he was looking for someone like me and i had in fact been in front of him all this time. He asks me how i feel about him and i told him that yes i had feelings for him but never acted on them because he was my mate and two he was seeing someone and that's not who i am. He is my best friend and although yes once upon a time i did want more, as our friendship grew those feelings got pushed aside because our friendship became more important to me.
I came home from Portland on the Monday and wasn't going back to work till the Wednesday so he asked if he could come see me on the Monday night. I was busy but told him i was going to be around the corner from his place so on my way home i would pick him up and he could come and stay the night at my place (completely normal by the way he stays over often) and then we could hang out all day Tuesday. It has always been him coming to my place, I guess with my parents being so laid back it was just easier that way. Although we have been friends for a couple of years i have never met his parents. They know who i am and pretty much everything about me but meeting has never been bought up or even though about.... thinking about it now it seems strange I'm sure.
So i go over to pick him up and he comes outside and asks me if i would meet his mum, i said yes and for the first time in years i actually got to meet her. Let me just say she is lovely, it was great to put a face to the name and I'm fairly certain she felt the same way.
We went back to my place and i was so tired we pretty much went straight to bed i watched about 30 seconds of the Sopranos which i have decided yet again to watch from the beginning before falling asleep.
We hung out all day Tuesday starting with breakfast, then we went to the movies where we may or may not have kissed (yeah that's right only a kiss) and then back to my place for some more Sopranos, which just about everyday since is what we have both been doing, lying on my bed watching episode after episode after work.... He just invites himself over. We literally see each other and do nothing yet we never get bored of each other.... so can someone explain to me why after all this IS HE GETTING BACK WITH HIS LADY FRIEND?!!! Why the hell would he tell me about how he feels about me to then go back with her? I don't want to say anything to him about it because he is my best friend and i don't want things to get awkward but man..... am i confused.
My biggest problem is after pushing my feelings aside for so long when he told me everything it made my feelings for him rear there little head and now I'm somewhat hurt with how the whole situation has played out.
I have never been one to let my feelings get the better of me. i usually tell myself just to forget about it and that's what i do. However this time is different.
I think the part that just annoys me the most is that my entire family and i mean parents, sisters, future bro in laws, grandparents, aunty's and uncles all love him to the point that i get invites to functions with a plus 1 and they automatically assume he will be that plus 1. My Nonno keeps telling my dad what a nice boy he is.
Amanda told me today that i should put myself out there, but how do i do that not only knowing that there is the possibility that i will be shot down in flames but in doing so i could just lose my best mate?! Not to mention the other girls feelings... arrghhh!
I'm considering staying single forever..... its so much less hassle!
In other news my birthday is coming up... good old 26 and im going to sky dive... you will never guess with who?! ha ha yep the bestie.
Weight loss to date is approx 19kg.... only 15ish more to go till i hit my goal weight!! YAY!!
