Don't let me get old...

My Nan (mum's, mum) Flew in from Queensland on Thursday night for a 10 day visit.

She has dementia, So she has told me 4 times since arriving that i have grown and I'm so tall, because she thinks I'm still 15 years old and when i remind her that I'm actually 25 she says things like "Oh are you love? Has it been that long since i last saw you?"

No it hasn't been that long, she was here last year but doesn't remember.

She met my sister's boyfriend Steve 3 times because she doesn't remember meeting him. Its actually quite sad. She doesn't remember to eat and she has to take a concoction of pills every morning to make sure things don't go from bad to worse. (I shit you not she takes about 8 pills every morning)

My Nan and i have never seen eye to eye and over the years we have had numerous arguments. I'm obviously not my Nans number 1 fan but she is my nan and i love her all the same.

I know you might think what type of grand-daughter argues with her grandmother but believe me when i say the way she treated my mum up until recently made my blood boil to the point where i thought if mum wont stick up for herself i will.

This morning i woke up and laid in bed for about 10 minutes before getting up.

It was about 10am and i just realised mum would be at work and my nan would most likely be pottering around so i thought i should probably get up and make sure she had eaten something and thought i would make her a cup of tea because otherwise she wont drink anything.

I opened my bedroom door and the backdoor was wide open and the house was quiet, i called out a couple of times but didn't get an answer.

I looked out the window to find the back gate wedged open with a brick, my heart sank and i ran in to call my mum. I asked mum if nan would be able to find her way back (she owned my parents house before my mum bought it off her and she moved to Queensland, so i thought hopefully she would know how to get back.)

Mum said she doubted it because this morning when mum asked nan where she was she said she had no idea.

I hung up the phone, grabbed my bag and keys, and ran out the house in my mickey mouse pyjamas. It must have looked great, me running down the street in my pyjamas. I ran to the corner to see if i could see her but she wasn't there.

I then ran back to my car panicking thinking where the hell would she go?! as i opened the drivers door to get in i looked up the other end of the street to see my nan wondering back towards my house.

I ran up the street and when i got close enough i started calling out to her. When i actually reached her she looked at me for a couple of seconds with a "who the hell are you?" look on her face before saying "Leash love, why are you running around in your pyjamas?"

I didn't know whether to hit her or cry!

I started walking back home with her thanking god that she didn't go too far. She told me it was fine and that i shouldn't worry about her. Easier said then done right!!

We got inside and i made her a cuppa, she sat down and within minutes was asking who's house she was in.

Its been a little over an hour since my nans little disappearing act and its as if it didn't happen. She doesn't even remember going for a walk.

They say she is competent and doesn't need a carer but I'm starting to think otherwise.

We have started writing in a book that she carries everywhere with things she has trouble remembering. Stuff like when she is going home, Amanda doesn't live here and more and is engaged, where she is, for how long she is here, just stuff like that. The only problem with it is she actually has to remember to look it in... ahhh you just cant win.

I never want to feel the way i did today. i cant remember the last time i was so panicked, worried, scared and upset all the same time.

Thinking you have "lost" your nan is no fun!