HAPPY EASTER!!!

Happy Easter!

After many, many months of not having enough time to scratch myself, let alone write a blog. I have returned to this wonderful thing known as blogging.

So much has happened, yet so much is still the same if that makes any sense at all.

I leave for a 5 hour drive to Bruthen at midnight tonight. We are all going camping so it will be nice to relax, sit around a camp fire, sleep in my fabulous little 6 man tent i brought all for myself and to go fishing... did i mention get on the booze as well.... no? Well there will definitely be plenty of that!!

I will from here on try to update my blog as often as i can!

BUONA PASQUA

xoxo

UP AND COMING....

The next month is going to be hectic and i love it!

I have my 26Th birthday celebrations next weekend which pretty much means i will be boozing it up all over this wonderful city i call home.

Then from October 4-11 I will be in Bathurst which is a lovely 9 hour drive from Melbourne for the v8 supercars Bathurst 1000. For those of you who don't know its V8's (Holdens and Fords) Racing it out over mount panorama for 1000kms.
I have never been before but i love car racing so I'm super pumped for it.

Two days later i have the Paramore concert.... I love, love, love these guys!

On the 30Th of October I'm hopefully going to see the Crusty Demons.... These guys are seriously insane. The crazy tricks these guys do on their bikes are absolutely awesome.

Then November will be low key apart from a couple of birthday's and what not and then on the 1st of December i will be seeing U2!!!! I can't freakin wait for that. although they are not my favourite band in the whole world they are still up there and one day i can look back and say.... i went to a U2 concert. I was super lucky to get tickets. Both shows sold out in under 4 minutes. They are playing at Etihad stadium which easily seats 70,000 people not to mention general admission tickets.

Somewhere in between all that i am going sky diving, technically we are going for my birthday but i think i will wait till the weather heats up a little.

My life in a nutshell!!

Back in business...

I'm back...

The last couple of months have been a blur.

So considering i don't even know where to start I'm going to just forget about them and go straight into something that has been bugging me for a little while.

I have this guy (oh i can already hear the groans) who is easily by far one of my bestest friends.

Recently we have been getting closer and closer. So close in fact that last week we saw each other 6 out of 7 days.

He has recently been seeing a girl who he called it off with about 2 weeks ago.... This is where everything gets messy.

I was away for the weekend in Portland, just to remind you how close we are i spent 2.5 hours out of the 4 hour drive there talking on the phone to him and 3.5 hours on the way home... WHO DOES THAT?

Anyway he called on the Saturday and tells me that he is no longer seeing this girl because he has feelings for me. He came to the realisation that he was looking for someone like me and i had in fact been in front of him all this time. He asks me how i feel about him and i told him that yes i had feelings for him but never acted on them because he was my mate and two he was seeing someone and that's not who i am. He is my best friend and although yes once upon a time i did want more, as our friendship grew those feelings got pushed aside because our friendship became more important to me.

I came home from Portland on the Monday and wasn't going back to work till the Wednesday so he asked if he could come see me on the Monday night. I was busy but told him i was going to be around the corner from his place so on my way home i would pick him up and he could come and stay the night at my place (completely normal by the way he stays over often) and then we could hang out all day Tuesday. It has always been him coming to my place, I guess with my parents being so laid back it was just easier that way. Although we have been friends for a couple of years i have never met his parents. They know who i am and pretty much everything about me but meeting has never been bought up or even though about.... thinking about it now it seems strange I'm sure.

So i go over to pick him up and he comes outside and asks me if i would meet his mum, i said yes and for the first time in years i actually got to meet her. Let me just say she is lovely, it was great to put a face to the name and I'm fairly certain she felt the same way.

We went back to my place and i was so tired we pretty much went straight to bed i watched about 30 seconds of the Sopranos which i have decided yet again to watch from the beginning before falling asleep.

We hung out all day Tuesday starting with breakfast, then we went to the movies where we may or may not have kissed (yeah that's right only a kiss) and then back to my place for some more Sopranos, which just about everyday since is what we have both been doing, lying on my bed watching episode after episode after work.... He just invites himself over. We literally see each other and do nothing yet we never get bored of each other.... so can someone explain to me why after all this IS HE GETTING BACK WITH HIS LADY FRIEND?!!! Why the hell would he tell me about how he feels about me to then go back with her? I don't want to say anything to him about it because he is my best friend and i don't want things to get awkward but man..... am i confused.

My biggest problem is after pushing my feelings aside for so long when he told me everything it made my feelings for him rear there little head and now I'm somewhat hurt with how the whole situation has played out.

I have never been one to let my feelings get the better of me. i usually tell myself just to forget about it and that's what i do. However this time is different.

I think the part that just annoys me the most is that my entire family and i mean parents, sisters, future bro in laws, grandparents, aunty's and uncles all love him to the point that i get invites to functions with a plus 1 and they automatically assume he will be that plus 1. My Nonno keeps telling my dad what a nice boy he is.

Amanda told me today that i should put myself out there, but how do i do that not only knowing that there is the possibility that i will be shot down in flames but in doing so i could just lose my best mate?! Not to mention the other girls feelings... arrghhh!

I'm considering staying single forever..... its so much less hassle!

In other news my birthday is coming up... good old 26 and im going to sky dive... you will never guess with who?! ha ha yep the bestie.

Weight loss to date is approx 19kg.... only 15ish more to go till i hit my goal weight!! YAY!!

...

... Lazy, but eventually i will blog something worthwhile.

Life has been a whole heap of crazy for the last little while.

I just don't ever seem to ever have any me time and I'm about to lose it.

Nothing in my life ever seems to turn out the way i planned.

....

Engagement and stuff.....

Last Saturday night 29.05.10 was Amanda and Gareth's engagement party.

The picture of them just above doesn't really tell the truth. Although Gareth looks drunk he was pretty much sober, and while Amanda looks sober.... well she was smashed!

They hired a bar in the city called"The Carron" out for the night.

I decided to go all out and get my hair and makeup done and considering i was wearing a dress i thought getting my Lilly white legs out was probably not a very good idea. They are white, super white, like white enough to blind people with the glare that reflects off them when light hits them, so i decided to get a spray tan.

Ever since my surgery i find i get extremely tired very easily. i guess its from only eating soup for the past couple of weeks, I'm not getting all the nutrients i would normally get. Even though i am taking a liquid multi vitamin every morning which helps a little, so this spray tan was rather entertaining. I was standing there while the girl sprayed me when all of a sudden i start to feel really faint, luckily the girl realised and got a chair in behind me right before i went to jelly. The rest of the time she was spraying was touch and go, i was fine for a couple of minutes then i needed to stop and sit for a minute or two... i wasn't impressed, however the end result was a lovely golden brown colour even though it took us twice as long to get me sprayed.

The party was great, i had so much fun and ended up pretty drunk. I wouldn't have been so drunk if A) I had something other then soup in my stomach and B) I didn't let Tim buy me the strongest shot you can buy.

Gareth had asked to make a speech because he wanted someone who was close to the both of them to make it, so i made sure i didn't drink too much before that just in case i ended up making a complete dick of myself. I was so nervous having to speak in front of 160 people

but i think i ended up doing a pretty decent job... even made Amanda cry a little.

We danced, laughed and drank.... boy did we drink. It was a great night and I'm fairly certain everyone had a fun.

Mum and dad.

Mum, me and Tim.

Amanda and her future father in law.

Katie and Adrian... I'm pretty sure the next engagement will the theirs.

Mum, dad, Amanda and Gareth.

Adam, Rai and Flick travelled 4 hrs for the party (and free booze)

Catherine and her boyfriend Steve.

Gareth and his parents Ken and Lily

Tim and I.

My poison for the night, Champagne and orange juice.

My future brother in law and i.

On the surgery side of things i have lost 14kg and i am now eating again... only soft food like fish, pasta, some veges and things like that and let me tell you, boy does it feel great!!

Surgery...

For most of my adult life i have been overweight.

Come to think of it i cant remember a time that i was happy with my weight.

I tried almost everything to lose weight, i tried exercise and eating healthy which always dropped a couple of kilos but would then just sit and not go any further. Meal replacement shakes that i would drink for breakfast and lunch and then eat a small meal for dinner, this too had the same effect as the exercise, not to mention the shakes were revolting and every mouthful was a struggle to keep down.

It got to the point where i thought "That's it... enough is enough"

I have always been a very happy go lucky type of person. Being overweight has never stopped me from doing anything. I still go out and have fun with friends. I still go shopping like any normal girl and i absolutely love going to the beach in summer and riding the waves into shore on a body board because i just don't have the co-ordination for surfing. (clearly never in a bikini) Although i have hated being overweight for some time it is not something that has ever depressed me.

At the end of last year i had a heap of tests done and found out the reason i find it so hard to lose weight was partly because my pancreas creates too much insulin. They say it should create anywhere between 4-9 units of insulin a day and 10 is the max. I produce 21 units a day. The insulin created is what help make you feel hungry, so of course you feed it. however the more you feed your hunger the more insulin you make... so its a lose, lose situation.

The doctor then told me i could either take pills for the rest of my life which would stop my pancreas but i most likely wouldn't be able to lose all the weight or i could have laparoscopic gastric banding.

After much deliberation i opted for the surgery. One of my very close friends who was bigger then me had this surgery done and within a year had dropped 50kg and was so much better for it.

I know there are people out there who think its cheating, who will think I'm taking the easy way out. But i know that 1 these people clearly know nothing about what you actually have to do to make sure it is a success. This is life changing surgery. 2 Know absolutely nothing about me, i would never do this just because i could, it was something i had to think very long and hard about. 3 they have clearly never been overweight a day in there life and have never looked in the mirror day in and day and hated what looks back at them.

Besides, to be honest with you, i don't care what these types of people think. If this surgery is what it takes to make me a healthier person and will inevitable prolong my life and reduce my chances of heart disease then i say "hell yeah" I don't want to be that 35 year old woman who cant play with her children because she is out of breath because she is so overweight and unfit. Just because i have had this surgery doesn't mean I'm going to stop swimming or going for walks. I will not rely solely on this operation to help me lose weight.

On Friday the 14th of May i underwent this surgery, i now have 5 wounds on my stomach that are healing perfectly. The last 5 days have been somewhat difficult. The only being able to sleep on my back has been terrible considering i usually sleep on my stomach. The pain in my shoulder from all the gas they put into you makes it extremely difficult to breath and is excruciating. Not to mention the liquid diet i am on for the next 3.5 weeks till the swelling completely goes down is a bitch. Especially when your mother makes spinach and ricotta cannelloni for all your friends for dinner and you get to watch them eat while you drink your 1/2 cup of broth....thanks mum. I am no longer on pain killers which is also great.

I will say that being at home is driving me crazy. Not that i could do much even if i wanted to. I cant drive for at least another week which sucks big time. I don't go back to work for at least 2.5 weeks so i guess i better just get use to the boredom.

CHA-CHING!!!!

My mother always tells me that i should never ever throw out an old bill or letter from the bank because they have my name and address on it, but to stick it through the paper shredder.

This is where my story begins.

Yesterday afternoon i decided to go through my folder of old paid bills and old bank letters and credit card statements, just stuff like that and get rid of ones i no longer need to keep. Now this is not a small task, i absolutely loath this sort of stuff and i have never been very organised about it so there were things in there dating back about 4/5 years.... that's right i hate it that much.

As I'm going through the mammoth pile of papers i decided to start shredding ones with my name and address on it. i figure hey the shredder is always fun and anyone willing to sift through the mountain of shredded paper just to piece a bill back together to steal my identity/ take all my money, well, they deserve it!!

I come across an unopened envelope and think to myself... hmmmmm wonder what this is?

I open it up to find a bank cheque to the value of $1,473 made out to my old credit card company. I looked at the date on the cheque that says 21.02.2007 i then started to wonder whether or not i had cancelled the cheque considering i payed my credit card off over the phone. But the envelope was sealed.... wouldn't they need the cheque to cancel it? Wouldn't i notice that sort of money missing out of my account?

Then i remember that around the date on the cheque i also took out a personal loan for my car that the bank stuffed up numerous times. Money went in and out of my account for about 3 weeks and i never comb over my statements, so yes, i guess it is possible i just didn't realise.

This morning i took the mysterious cheque to the bank to check it out. I thought why not? just double check you did cancel it and that will be that....

Imagine my suprise when the lady behind the desk says

"Um this cheque was never canceled... would you like me to put the money straight into your account or re-issue the cheque?"

Hell no i don't want you to re-issue it, stick that sweet money straight into the account lady!!!

I couldn't believe it.... I seriously feel like i won the lottery, only the money was already mine.

I have no idea what to do with it but i think its going into my overseas trip fund.

Moral of the story kiddies.... Always organise you paper work and always go through your statements with a fine tooth comb!!!!

arrrgh...

I start work at 6am tomorrow....

Is that even legal?

In Need Of A New Job....

Today it became clear to me that i do in fact work in the worst area ever.

I was lining up to buy something to eat on my lunch break when i turned to see about 5 guys standing and arguing with each other. My initial though was... Why am i not suprised?! I mean i work in Broadmeadows for crying out loud.

All of a sudden one guy attacks one of the others, his mate pulls him off the guy (who's mates in turn were trying to pull them apart) and that's when i saw the knife.

The two guys, one of which had the knife start to run and run straight past me. Right in front of me one of them drops his phone.... without thinking i bend over and pick it and yell out to them about it. One slows down but doesn't turn around like he was thinking about coming back for it but then decides not to worry about it and keeps running for obvious reasons.

I yell out to one of the shop owners to call the police and security and that's when i turn back and see the guy who was stabbed. There was blood everywhere and he was clutching at his neck... kind of where the neck meets the shoulder.

It was like slow motion, i know that sounds all sorts of stupid but it was. He stood there for a minute before moving his hands off his neck, took his t-shirt off and placed it over the wound in his neck. He then began to walk towards the exit, stopping only for his friend to ask where the closest hospital was. There was blood everywhere, all i could think was holy shit i cant believe this guy is still on his feet.

Within minutes the police were everywhere. I walked back to work in a daze thinking i was going to be sick. Then when one of my bosses asked if i was okay i honestly thought i was going to cry. I went into the lunch room and had a drink of water and tried to calm myself down., i was told to stay out there till i felt okay.

I eventually calmed down and called my mum, i know I'm such a girl.... but i had to talk to my mum! She reassured me it was all okay. THANKS MUMSY!!

I went back out and then the cops came over to question me.

They asked me to describe everything i saw, which i did. I then went on to tell then about the whole phone thing and the knife. The police officer then asked me if i could describe the two guys..... I told her they had their backs to me the whole time except when they were running past me and that all happened so fast i didn't really look at them. I'm actually glad i didn't see their faces, i know that sounds cowardly but i don't care. This is something i don't want to get caught up in especially considering i have to go to work 5 days a week in the very same centre. There were so many other witnesses that could describe them that my statement really isn't that helpful.... i am sorry that i wasn't able to help more but at the same time thankful... extremely thankful.

Once the police left was when i burst into tears. I guess the initial shock of it all finally wore off.
I'm not looking forward to work tomorrow... or the next day.

I need to find myself some thing new.... and as far away from the shit at Broadmeadows.

QUIT!!

It has officially been a week.

I can honestly say that this is one of the hardest things i have ever done considering almost all of my friends smoke... Seriously it is easier to count the ones that don't smoke because there is less of them.

Yesterday i helped Mez and big fella move house and to say thanks they had a BBQ for us. Everybody was drinking and smoking and let me tell you all i wanted was to light one up.... BUT i didn't.

I didn't touch a drink either purely because i know how much harder it would be to resist the temptation if i had a drink in my hand.

I cant even tell you how many chewies i have been through since i started this.... every time i feel like a cigarette i chew... at least i have minty breath right?!

How does one become a smoker anyway? Nobody who tries it for the first time sucks it back, exhales and says... "wow! i really enjoyed that." Nope, its usually one of the most disgusting tastes and worst experiences ever, yet so many DO become addicted.

I know one week isn't a huge deal however i am so proud of myself right now!

Lets just hope i can keep it up and resist the temptation for another week....

Downer

Today i am having a downer of a day.

Everything sucks.

I think I'm in some serious need of some TLC.

I need to get away from all the boring crap stuff going on here.... I feel like i need a change.

But where do i start? What do i change first?

Everybody is moving forward yet i feel like i am stuck. Amanda and Gary are planning their wedding along with Courts and Fitzy who will be married in December. Mez and Big Fella are preparing for bubs number two. Ads is moving to Portland for Rai. Adam is going to Korea to see his girlfriend who is teaching over there. And me? I'm still doing the same shit day in, day out.
I know i only feel this way because of the mood I'm in but i cant help it at the moment.

I know i have plenty of great things in my life but at this point in time i cant see past the shit.

I need a cuddle!

YARRAWONGA....

Another Yarrawonga Easter camping trip over with!

I cant wait till next year.

I will upload some photos later....

6 days of drinking, tennis and us running an absolute muck!

LOVE IT!

P.s on a completely unrelated topic.... I HATE JUSTIN BEIBER!!

That child is ruining my life, everywhere i go i hear his song, I'm even starting to sing it!

DAMN YOU JUSTIN BEIBER!

A New Me....

Soooo.... I dyed my hair.

i got sick and tired of my damn regrowth and decided to go back dark....

I'm not completely sold on it yet but that could be because for the past 3 years i have been blonde.

I miss it already but this will be so much easier to maintain.

I absolutely love the colour I'm just not sure i love the colour on me.... i guess only time will tell.

What do you think?

P.s not the best photo... i may have been slightly intoxicated but it was the only photo i got before my damn camera died.

Im far too old...

let me set the scene...

In October last year Rai moved to Melbourne and was living with a couple who WERE friends of mine. In early January Rai got a phone call from a primary school back in Portland offering her a full time teaching job. After 4 years of uni only an idiot would turn it down.

She discussed it with her housemates who both told her that it is a great opportunity and it would be silly for her not to move back to Portland and take the job.... So Rai did exactly that.

Since moving back they have turned somewhat nasty demanding Rai pay rent till the lease is up in October even though she isn't living there or until they found someone new to move in. Rai had said she would pay up until April to help them out because she felt bad for bailing on them and because she didn't have to pay rent in Portland till April. She spoke to the real estate during the week who informed Rai that not long after she went back to Portland her housemates went in and told them that they weren't going to get anyone else in but just cover the extra rent themselves...

So why have they been telling Rai they are looking for someone?

So that they can bully Rai into paying rent they said they would cover!

Rai is far too nice to say anything to them about it so they just walk all over her.

I have kept my mouth shut of the whole situation because it isn't my fight to fight, I have other issues with them or maybe not even them, maybe just half of "them" maybe just HER...

I have come to the realisation that the friendship i had with one of Rai' s housemates was one of convenience on her behalf. It was always me doing the calling, me going to visit the whole thing was one sided. This kind of hurt considering when her parents pretty much kicked her out it was me who let her stay at my place rather then the back of her car. The last time she contacted me was because she was having trouble with her boyfriend. So me doing the right thing went over and listened to her cry even though i actually thought she had bought it all on herself.... nasty i know.

I know this will sound way more immature then it actually is but i did a big facebook clean up a couple of weeks ago and deleted her.

So last Friday comes and i get a text message from her asking why i have deleted her off facebook and if it has anything to do with Rai then that's not fair.

I replied as nicely as i possibly could explaining how i felt about our friendship and that no it wasn't because of Rai although i wasn't too impressed with the way they treated her. I also told her i didn't have time to argue with her and just to leave it at that... AS IF!

I got a reply.

Most people know that if you piss me off I'm not one to sit back and say nothing. I wouldn't say i like confrontation but if it comes knocking on my door I'm certainly not afraid of it.

She started lying about things she had said and what not and i called her on them and then once again asked her to drop it..... don't be silly.... i got yet another reply.

Up until now i was fairly nice about everything, i just wanted her to leave me alone and that would've been it.

To be honest i couldn't believe that at the age of 25 i was having a fight like this through text messages.... This is high school bull shit!

I couldn't believe this chick kept replying... seriously give it up already! So i thought i would do the grown up thing and not reply.. me grown up HA HA for the first time in my life!

Then i get a message from her boyfriend.... WTF?!!!

That's it... i lost my shit! No more biting my tongue, i went for the jugular knowing that if i hit low enough she would get the hint and leave me alone. By no means at the beginning of all this did i want it to turn ugly, i even told her that because we have mutual friends if i saw her out i wouldn't be rude or nasty but just not to expect me to have a conversation with her.
I went all out on her arse... I told her that was it, i didn't need friends like her and telling her exactly what i thought of everything they did to Rai... i ended they message with...

"I am done with this shit.... i am done with you... End of story."

4 days later and thank god i am yet to receive a reply. I look back at the messages and think maybe if i didn't reply in the first place it wouldn't of ended up the way it did but i think i needed to tell her exactly why i was angry at her... either way it completely blew up... I'm not impressed with how i ended up handling it. I knew she was pushing my buttons on purpose but i still fell in to her trap anyway.

Oh well you win some you lose some right?!

Soon....

I will blog soon....

I have been super lazy in the blogging department plus my nan has made it rather difficult to find any time to myself.

Soon my pretties, soon...... i promise!

As it stands...

My life for the past week...


Get up.

Shower and make myself presentable.

Go to work.

Finish work.

Go to the hospital.

Go home.

Eat dinner.

Bed.

I cant wait for life to return to normal and my nan to be out and doing better. Yesterday we had to have a discussion with her on what she wants to happen when she gets out. Whether is be living with my uncle, returning to Queensland or being put into a home. Its a rather difficult conversation to have with someone who doesn't think there is anything wrong and cant remember why they are in hospital in the first place.

I'm running on empty..... I have no idea how my mum keeps going. She has been at the hospital from 9am-9pm just about everyday this week.

Long haul..

On Sunday afternoon whilst at a lunch for my cousins 30th my Nan collapsed, after refusing to be taken to a hospital we took her to a doctor who then told her she needed to go to a hospital.

We sat in the emergency ward for 5 hours before nan got up and collapsed again, after they got her back into bed she started to panic because she didn't know where she was or who anybody was... she didn't even recognise my aunty Sharon.

eventually they freed up a bed upstairs and the carted my nan off. We had to write notes so that they could show nan that we were coming back to get her in the morning.

We got home super late so i took Monday off work so that i could go back with mum to the hospital. We popped in so that we could drop off nans medication but because she had to have more tests done we decided to leave so that she wouldn't keep trying to get up so we could take her home.

We went and sat at mums friends house because it was only around the corner. I was so tired because i hadn't slept much so i layed on the couch and started to doze off.

I had my eyes closed for all of 5 minutes before mum came back in panicked saying that nan is disorientated and is being nasty to the nurses so we had to go straight back.

When we got back nan was sitting refusing to take any medication and was yelling at the nurses and doctors. Once she saw us she started to calm down but she was seriously shaken up. The nurses asked mum to give her a Valium to calm her down which nan took without questioning it.

We sat with nan for a little while mucking around and joking when she tells us she need to go to the toilet. We get her up to walk her there when she goes all woozy and we had to put her back on the bed. We called the nurse in to help us out and she wasn't even in the room 10 seconds before my nan lost consciousness. all the alarms started going off and then nan came too for split second before everything went wrong, she stopped breathing and her heart stopped... Mum and i were rushed out of the room and a big cart was quickly wheeled in.

We were taken around to the lounge and asked to just wait.
Mum was a complete mess, which is to be expected. Not only is that her mother but my mum is a crier whereas me i don't cry i just get angry.

So here we were in the lounge for what felt like an eternity, mum was so upset and me being the big tough chick i am started to lose patience with my poor mess of a mum. I'm telling her to pull herself together and to stop crying because they were doing everything possible and things were going to be okay.... I guess I'm got getting any daughter of the year award!

They took my name to the ICU which is where she is now.

Eventually we were allowed in to see her, with tubes and wires everywhere all she kept saying was sorry. Thank god she was okay.

Amanda went back early with mum today because my nan was frightened again and yelling at the nurses so they went in to calm her down. I waited around for my uncle and then we made our way to the hospital. All nan wants to do is go home. She keeps telling me to sneak her home when nobody is looking and then get mad at me when i tell her she has to stay.

They have scheduled tests for her on Friday so it looks like she is going to be in there for a while.

heavy eyelids...

I just spent the last 5 hrs at the hospital because my nan collapsed not once, not twice but 4 times today.

She then refused to go to the hospital which after doing things the hard way was where we ended up...

I need sleep!

Don't let me get old...

My Nan (mum's, mum) Flew in from Queensland on Thursday night for a 10 day visit.

She has dementia, So she has told me 4 times since arriving that i have grown and I'm so tall, because she thinks I'm still 15 years old and when i remind her that I'm actually 25 she says things like "Oh are you love? Has it been that long since i last saw you?"

No it hasn't been that long, she was here last year but doesn't remember.

She met my sister's boyfriend Steve 3 times because she doesn't remember meeting him. Its actually quite sad. She doesn't remember to eat and she has to take a concoction of pills every morning to make sure things don't go from bad to worse. (I shit you not she takes about 8 pills every morning)

My Nan and i have never seen eye to eye and over the years we have had numerous arguments. I'm obviously not my Nans number 1 fan but she is my nan and i love her all the same.

I know you might think what type of grand-daughter argues with her grandmother but believe me when i say the way she treated my mum up until recently made my blood boil to the point where i thought if mum wont stick up for herself i will.

This morning i woke up and laid in bed for about 10 minutes before getting up.

It was about 10am and i just realised mum would be at work and my nan would most likely be pottering around so i thought i should probably get up and make sure she had eaten something and thought i would make her a cup of tea because otherwise she wont drink anything.

I opened my bedroom door and the backdoor was wide open and the house was quiet, i called out a couple of times but didn't get an answer.

I looked out the window to find the back gate wedged open with a brick, my heart sank and i ran in to call my mum. I asked mum if nan would be able to find her way back (she owned my parents house before my mum bought it off her and she moved to Queensland, so i thought hopefully she would know how to get back.)

Mum said she doubted it because this morning when mum asked nan where she was she said she had no idea.

I hung up the phone, grabbed my bag and keys, and ran out the house in my mickey mouse pyjamas. It must have looked great, me running down the street in my pyjamas. I ran to the corner to see if i could see her but she wasn't there.

I then ran back to my car panicking thinking where the hell would she go?! as i opened the drivers door to get in i looked up the other end of the street to see my nan wondering back towards my house.

I ran up the street and when i got close enough i started calling out to her. When i actually reached her she looked at me for a couple of seconds with a "who the hell are you?" look on her face before saying "Leash love, why are you running around in your pyjamas?"

I didn't know whether to hit her or cry!

I started walking back home with her thanking god that she didn't go too far. She told me it was fine and that i shouldn't worry about her. Easier said then done right!!

We got inside and i made her a cuppa, she sat down and within minutes was asking who's house she was in.

Its been a little over an hour since my nans little disappearing act and its as if it didn't happen. She doesn't even remember going for a walk.

They say she is competent and doesn't need a carer but I'm starting to think otherwise.

We have started writing in a book that she carries everywhere with things she has trouble remembering. Stuff like when she is going home, Amanda doesn't live here and more and is engaged, where she is, for how long she is here, just stuff like that. The only problem with it is she actually has to remember to look it in... ahhh you just cant win.

I never want to feel the way i did today. i cant remember the last time i was so panicked, worried, scared and upset all the same time.

Thinking you have "lost" your nan is no fun!

HOLY HELL!!

I had intended on blogging all about my weekend away perving on the sexiest wood chopper ever but that's just going to have to wait.

This morning i got up and went to have a shower, i was in the middle of washing my hair when i opened up my eyes and looked at the ceiling to find about 50-60 little baby spiders staring back at me. Then out of the corner of my eye i see the mumma spider.... SHE WAS HUGE... Now not only do spiders creep me the hell out, i mean anything with more legs the a dog is not okay by me, but i hate hairy spiders even more. THEY SEND CHILLS UP AND DOWN MY SPINE!!

I may have screamed like a little girl and the proceeded to finish washing my hair as quickly as humanly possible, not daring to take my eyes off the little suckers just in case one decided to slip down that little zip line attached to their arse. (Remembering we are on water restrictions and are only meant to be in the shower for 4 minutes) I was well and truly out before the timer went off!!! Running through the house in nothing but a towel i went and woke my mum up who said "Yep, when i get up i will go and check it out."

Feeling somewhat violated i started getting ready for work i had just finished drying my hair off when low and behold i looked up and there the little suckers were.... it was as if they were stalking me!

Again i screamed and mum decided to get up and check out the situation.... all she kept saying was "oh my god, look how many there are." NO SHIT WOMAN!!!

I then very quickly delegated 'MISSION KILLING SPIDERS' to my mother, who then tried to get dad to come home and kill then but he pretty much told her to man up and do it herself.

I then drove all the way to work thinking i hope i don't have any on me!!!

WHAT A MORNING!!!